Welcome to my latest publication of Domestic Chaos Theory…
The Price of Small Talk. Who Says You Can’t Put a Price on Love? Or the value of your wife’s small talk, for instance. Because you can. And I proved it. We went in to see our lawyer to redo our estate plan. I brought my wife along. I told her in advance that we were being charged by the hour – so keep it short. If he asks how you are, say “fine”. If he asks if you want coffee, say “no”. And if he asks about your mother, just lie and say she’s no longer with us. Did this strategy work? Of course not. My wife loaded up our lawyer with so much small talk that in good conscience he finally cut her off. So, we have now proven that her small talk is worth $380/hour. And I’m putting a meter on her.
Yin and Yang. My oldest son isn’t a talker. Compared to a mute, he’s a mute. And proud of it. My youngest son won’t shut up. He’s like a squirrel on meth. The differences don’t stop there. The oldest is a rule maker. The youngest is a rule breaker. The oldest is sturdy. The youngest is skeletal. The oldest won’t pee in public. The youngest pees in the shower. The oldest is serious and responsible. He always has his phone, is always on time and always knows where to find his parents. The youngest, on the other hand, is like a free-range chicken. The only thing these boys have in common is their parents. Or so we’re told.
Survival on the Open Seas. The Great White North. We took a cruise in Alaska this summer. With our boys. And my mom. Dilemma! We’d exhausted all of our funds on the flight, cruise cabin and our massive pots. Yet we were trapped in a floating tank headed for the North Pole with two rebellious children and no mind-altering substances. Fortunately, we discovered that you can catch a decent buzz by breathing deeply in the engine room every 30 minutes or so. Close one.
FINAL THOUGHTS
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Loved the small talk story!
Always enjoy the short stories from Bill.